bball and Campbell is heading to preschool

Basketball is underway and the boys are doing great.  


I signed Campbell up for preschool today.  He is very excited and can't wait to start in September.  Here he is in his Rise and Shine t-shirt.

an era has come to an end.

There are many things who make us who we are.  I not just a mommy. . . I do so much more.  One trait/action that has defined me over the last 8 years has been breastfeeding.  At first I wasn't sure that I could do it.  I was nervous, afraid and unsure of myself.  I was sore, bleeding, aching, stressed, emotional, tired and in general just adjusting to just giving birth for the 1st time.  Logan was a sleepy little baby.  Feedings would take over an hour.  I was happy just to get him on and afraid to take him off when it wasn't comfortable.  Letting him nurse when he I should have been correcting his latch.  I was uncomfortable.  Hiding in changing rooms at the mall and places where no one would see me.  That first month was so difficult.  Then it got better.  I learned how to relax and not stress when feeding him.  How to correct his latch.  How to heal the damage he had done.  He was a great nurser.  He caught on quick and when there was too much milk would open the other side of his mouth to let the extra drain out.  Logan slept in our bed and then we transitioned him to his own twin bed which I shared with him until I was too pregnant to fit in anymore with him.  I remember night weaning him.  His cries and telling him, "wait until the sun comes up"  He was old enough to understand but he was still sad.  I nursed him through my miscarriage and then through my pregnancy with Hudson.  He weaned when he was about 2 years and 3 months old.  I remember his sucking changing and I kept asking him if there was still milk.  He would shake his head yes while still attached.  Then one day, when I asked him.  He shook his head no.  I told him that the milk was "all done" and would come back for the baby.  He was ok with his.  Then we laid together and snuggled until he fell asleep.  It was his time to be done nursing.  Next came Hudson.  Boy did I feel like a pro this time around.  I wasn't nervous.  I didn't care who saw me.  I was praised at the hospital for nursing my first child for so long.  Hudson was a great eater from the start.  I never experienced soreness.  I taught him from the beginning to "open wide" so he could latch on correctly.  He was a different eater. He preferred to only eat on one side per feeding.  my body evened itself out.  He was also a different sleeper.  He did great sleeping in the crib.  So the crib was pulled up next to my side of the bed.  Perfect for late night feedings.  He was a quick eater and would finish in 10 min tops.  He was definitely getting plenty of milk.  Hudson grew the quickest of all my kiddos.  I remember night weaning Hudson.  He was sad.  I would hold his hand through the crib bars.  My should and elbow would ache from being in such an uncomfortable position.  But he was comforted to know I was there.  He just wanted the closeness of his mommy.  He was around 15 months when that happened.  Hudson nursed a few months longer and he stopped nursing at about 22 months.  It went as smoothly as Logan.  One day, he just told me that the milk was "all gone."  Again, I told him it would come back for the baby.  I was about 5 months pregnant with Campbell.  Campbell was a great nurser too.  Caught on from day one.  I was proud. . . I did it.  I had nursed my children for quite a long time in American standards.  Most of my friends thought I was crazy for nursing for so long.  Didn't I want my boobs back, my freedom back, my sleep back.  But I didn't.  I loved it.  I loved knowing that I was giving my babies the best. I didn't mind not being able to go too far from by babies b/c I knew they would need to be fed soon.

I remember back when I was at a low point, struggling to nurse Logan.  Nipples bleeding, sore, engorged, and I just wanted to quit. .. to give in and I asked Todd if I was a bad mom for wanting to quit. . . his answer "yes."  Not to sound mean but he knew it was what I needed to hear.  He knew I wanted to bf my kids and he knew I could do it.  It would have been too easy to quit.  At the time I was sad to hear his answer and angry.  He didn't have to do this.  He didn't just give birth and is now struggling to feed his baby.  Who was screaming like he was starving.  All that pressure was put on me.  So of course I was mad at him. But looking back, I am not angry.  He had confidence in me.  He knew I could do it.  Once I relaxed, I knew I could do it too.  I don't know how the last 8 years would have went had I actually quit.  I know I would have looked back with regret.  So here I am. . . nursing baby #3 and it is a breeze.  I nursed everywhere.  No covering up, hiding or being ashamed of nourishing my baby.  You want to stare at me. . . go ahead. . . a bfing boobie isn't sexy so if you really to go look. .. go ahead.  I nursed at the zoo, storytime, sitting on the floor of Target, at PTO meetings, while teaching Logan's psr class, parks, ect.  Now I was conservative and didn't just whip my boob out.   I tried to just do what I needed to do and that was to feed my baby. Campbell still has his taggies. . . these were his boobie rags aka burp cloths.  He loves them so much b/c they were apart of nursing.  There was always one right by me to catch any leaks while nursing.  They are still a comfort to Campbell.  Campbell weaned about the same time at his older brothers. When I was about 5 months pregnant with Paislee.  Paislee came out ready to nurse right away.  Too bad I wasn't paying much attention to her latch because I became cracked and sore.  But knowing how to heal it from past experience was priceless so I healed quickly and then got off to a great start.  Again- I was proud.  Able to tell every nurse who came in to check to see if she was eating well that I had nursed her 3 older brothers all for 2 years each.   I felt like an old pro.  After having 3 other children I learned- never to wake a sleeping baby (even if the nurses say it is time for her to eat)  I learned to lie on the charts and say that she ate for 15 min on both sides because that is what they wanted to hear.  When in reality she preferred to only eat on one side at a time, like Hudson.I knew that I just needed to watch for poopy and wet diapers to make sure she was getting enough.  Paislee was an on the go baby.  With 3 older brothers who were involved in school, sports, psr, ect.  We were always out of the house.  I knew her needs were always being met as long as my boobies were near.  She has grown up to be a wonderful toddler now.  She is 19 months old. . . 2 weeks ago (just shy of 19 months) January 21, 2014 was the last day that Paislee nursed.   I will miss the way she would snuggle into me.  How she would sign for milk.  How she knew it was time for milk and she would head upstairs to "our spot"  My side of the bed with the gray and white throw pillow propped behind my head so I could relax back.  How she would go and actually move the pillow for because she knew how I liked it.  The way she would grab all her boobie rags (as we called them aka burp cloths that I used to catch any milk)  The way she would always play with her hair as I nursed her because it calmed her down or the way she would pick up her feet so I could rub them while she nursed.  Then one day, she just decided to stop.  Maybe it was a nursing strike, Maybe she just self weaned. .. who knows.  I went from nursing 6x a day/night to nothing.  Not only were my boobs in pain but so was my heart.  I just knew. . . she was done.  Hudson went on a nursing strike once but it only lasted about 15 hours.  Now 2 weeks later, I know she is done.  But it was her choice, Through many emotions, I have come to the realization that she is done nursing. I take comfort in the fact that she has always been her happy self. This has not disrupted her life, she never felt like i took the milk away and it was her choice. She still loves to cuddle and I make sure she still gets that extra cuddle time before naps and bed just like we did when she nursed. I will always remember our special nursing time and it was 18 months of great memories. Sure I would have liked for her to nurse for a few more months but I will not look back with regret, just that I gave her the best she could have for 18 months and that was long enough for her.  Now to think. . . WOW after 8 years I am finally done nursing.  It is sad to know that this chapter in my life is over.  I will never regret my decision to nurse.  I hope in the future that my daughter in laws will get to experience that same bond with my grandchildren and that Paislee will decided to nurse her own children one day.